Confessions 3: I am a Jelly Doughnut

Confessions 3: I am a Jelly Doughnut, or at least I think I ought to be after I read that
by Jill C.

There is a sign (in the horse feed store, of all places) that reads, "The optimist sees the doughnut. The pessimist sees the hole. The realist sees the calories." I knew I was a realist the moment I saw that. I look at logic. And for that, some people hate me. Or they think I'm autistic. However, there is no getting around the fact that it's true. That there is a plethora of calories in a doughnut. Especially one full of chocolate creme.

Jean Shepherd wrote a wonderfully witty book called In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash, upon which the classic film "A Christmas Story" was based. (If you haven't seen the movie, you need to.) There are so many hideously funny moments entwined in the plot of Christmas preparations in middle America. No one can easily forget the pink bunny pajamas, the Santa slide, or "you'll shoot your eye out!" But there is more to the story (especially the book). Each sentence is done up in a genuine "great-uncle telling stories" way. There is perhaps little exaggeration, but the moral to the story is always there--Things like this happen.

It's the little things that count--and make my day. One entire chapter of Shepherd's book is devoted to the difference in connotation between "to fish" and "fishing." "To fish" is more sophisticated (if that is possible when talking about pulling scaly creatures out of water with hooks and string) and requires expertise and finesse, while fishing is a family sport done on Sunday afternoon while drinking beer. Another anecdote tells of the shock that came from finding an ovaltine can rolling down the sidewalk with the label still on it. This label had a code on the back, which was needed to send away for a "Little Orphan Annie's Secret Circle decoder pin." Therefore, anyone who threw out the can with the label still on must be either very rich or very stupid.

I love those connections. They are admittedly flawed, but it is because of the extreme logic behind them. That, and the wide-eyed-behind-glasses childlike view of the world from which they come. I love that a person's character can be decided by how they get rid of their cans, or by their syntax when talking about catching fish. I love it because I do it every day. The little things speak the loudest, especially to us small people with big brains. I love to pin down personalities by doughnut opinions. Because I can. And because the results are true.
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